How to communicate with those who have gained a difficult experience of war
Only in greetings with victories and assistance in achieving these victories, but also in support when they return after exploits to the trenches, to points of permanent dislocation for recovery when they come home to visit loved ones. And in the help you need to provide when they return to a peaceful life. Video of the day a person hides his changes, including himself to talk to a person who has gained difficult experience, it is important to understand what he feels.
This experience changed her, she became different. And she is afraid that when people are learning about it, they will throw it away, they will not accept their own. Therefore, a person hides these changes and tries to look as before. This requires great tension, which leads to irritation and outbreaks of anger. A person ceases to communicate, because so easier for him is this person quickly understands that it is easier and safer to simply not communicate.
But strategically, it is the beginning of a very bad path that leads to the loss of social ties, reducing stress resistance and motivation to act and greatly increases the risk of PTSD and even suicide. The person is afraid of rejection, so he feels vulnerable. In an effort to protect himself in battle, the warrior puts on armor and helmet. We can say that the same thing happens here. The person comes in the armor and stays in the armor.
If you try to remove this protection from it, it will be more frightened and resists. If we want to help, then our task is the conditions in which a person will start to remove their armor alone. And for this she must feel safe. To help "melt" and "undress", you need to follow several rules - not to press, but to create conditions. - not to ask, but to show that everything is fine. - Do not complain, but sympathize. How to do it if you help you give, not exchange.
If you cannot simply give (your attention, compassion, support) for nothing, then you do not have to start. Show that you are safe pressure is not only your thoughts and instructions, it is your experiences, accusations and requirements. To create safety, you need to show that you are coping that you control what is happening and what you know what you do and do. To do this, you need to tell.
But not about your troubles and experiences, but calmly and neutrally talk about the events that have already happened, what you are doing now, and what you have for your plans for the near future. Without evaluations and emotions. Let a person be useful you need success stories in your interactions. The easiest way to achieve this for simple help. If a person agrees, help, and you thank - then it is a story of success.
Allow a person to have their own view of all people who have faced traumatic experiences, perceive it inadequate, and this is normal. They exaggerate, diminish, depreciate, look for guilty, dramatically change their mood and manner of interaction, then "frostbite", then "ignite". It's all normal, it is all the natural course of learning new experience. If you do not interfere (if safe), gradually the amplitude of these manifestations decreases, and the person will understand everything.
If you argue, explain how everything really was, and impose your point of view, then you will just swear. It won't help a person. A person will help if you remember that he or she has the right to look at her experience as it is more convenient for him to comprehend him. If you can keep contact, listen, empathize, and when a person wants your assessment, you will say something like: "I am difficult to say, I was not there. " And continue to be near.