Children during the war. Seven key reactions to stress and what parents can do

For example, the prefrontal cerebral cortex is formed only for 21 years. It is she who is responsible for the skills of self -regulation of behavior, motivation, planning and achievement of the goal, awareness of the future. In children, these abilities are not yet developed, they are quite fragile and at the same time a mobile and flexible state, which enables us, adults, to inflate on the baby.

And when it comes to how to help children, in essence, parents are those people who "rent" their psyche while the child builds his own. On this basis, you can give some general recommendations to all parents, regardless of the child's reactions. Do not demand from the child to be the same as all this: to study well, played fun and interested in those things that he always interested. Accept the fact that he has turned all his life, and the reaction to such stress can be completely unpredictable.

A child who was strong in a particular subject may lose any interest in him (as well as in general) or "plunge with his head" into admiration without noticing anything around. Make a difficult time discount and let the child come to your senses and assimilate to new conditions. Do not blame yourself for any of == reactions to stress. Your baby is alive, healthy, safe - you have handled well and you are a good mother.

And even if the safety is relative and the baby is not very healthy - self -indulgence will only make it worse. Whatever the reaction, the child "gives" to you - screaming, showing aggression, wetting, hysterics - you are not guilty of it, even if you can not change anything and help anything. Just staying around, seeing and voicing (ideally) her feelings, you do a huge job for both yourself and your child. Listen to yourself, not surroundings.

Feel your baby, be included in her life and trust yourself as parents. Study the materials, consult with professionals, share with your friends, but always make the decision yourself. Look for your methods, your words, formulations. Apart from you no one knows your baby, does not know what she will work and what not. The main thing you have to convey to your baby is not always.

Children do not have this "sampling": that failures will be overcome, the black stripes are over and the problems are solved. They had no such experience. In adults, it is, and it is important to give the child hope and maintain his faith in good, no matter what. There are no children in Ukraine who would not affect the war. And everyone in this stress causes their own personal reaction. Below are the most common symptoms that are observed in children and the recommendations that parents can make.

1 The child is not interested in, "banging" in games. Backing is a way to cope with the events that have taken place. Conditionally, the child finds a clear and predictable place where you can hide from what is happening outside. The actions of parents should look like this: - We recognize the problem and voice it. Through "I-expression" (I worry, I am worried, let's try to change something). That is, we actually voice the problem.

- The task of parents is to take the role of a leader and to form the environment in which the child should be. That is, we leave with the child from home and go for a walk, to the city, to the company of peers. For starters, the smaller the company is better. This way you take and make for the child: "I wrote you", "We go", "I sit with you as much as you need. " - We do not say that you do not need to do, but we give an alternative.

We do not say: "Pick up from the computer", "Put the phone", "Do not play in toys", but we suggest what to do: "Now you have reading for 15 minutes", "Let's paint", "Let's go to walk the dog", "" Give the flowers ”and so on. - We give time. It may take a long time, it is a fast process. It may not be easy, you can move hard, but most importantly-that even in homeopathic doses you "pull" a child from the virtual world every day. 2 does not want/afraid to go outside.

The charming phrase "Come together". We voice and recognize the feelings: "I am also afraid, I am also worried, I see your fear. " You share it with your baby. Remember that all children's reactions are your secondary processes. Think, perhaps you want to hide and not go outside. The child reflects what is happening in your shower. Pay attention to your experiences and recognize your own feelings. See for yourself and see that the child will also become easier.

The psyche of moms and baby is very closely related, and the younger the baby, the stronger this connection. 3 Avoid peers, does not want to communicate. Do not start pulling it in the company or somewhere else. Turn an example for him. More often, go out "people", especially where there are children. Become a talking person for yourself, communicates, and connects, no matter how difficult it is. "Don't raise children, but they will look like you.

" Stories before bedtime work well when the psyche is relaxed and assimilated. Invent the plots about children who did not communicate with anyone, and then did something to overcome the problem, who helped them and how they coped and got friends. With older children, your personal experience will work perfectly - as you have overcome a similar problem in the past. And remember, theory is empty sound, children perceive living stories.

4 Detects aggression, does not obey, does not fulfill elementary requests, such as wash or brush your teeth. The first is to pay attention to yourself: what anger you are holding on to the forces now. Often, children thus find your anger or protest. Watch and work with you, and the problem with your child can be significantly reduced. The second is to voice your experiences, it is an element of reassuring and relief.

It has been scientifically proven that part of the brain responsible for intense feelings after the emotions are named becomes calmer. Therefore, we describe as much as possible to the child what is happening to her. It is also important to voice the reason: there are no old usual things, you are not safe, bored, no friends, you miss your dad. You will feel what your baby suffers from. Third-maximum physical activity: slave runners, beat pillows, take care of, fight, ride a bicycle, swim.

This helps to maximize the exit of frozen energy through the body so that it does not stagnate, as in the swamp. Aggression is the removal of feelings outside, and such a reaction is even better than conditional "sticking" or "freezing", because it provokes a splash of feelings outside, not preserving them inside. 5 Responds to any stimulus, fears loud sounds, siren and hysterics. It is important to understand that any trauma is perceived by us through the body.

It doesn't matter if the child of sounds, pictures or movements is afraid. All reactions are in one way or another related to the body - it closes, shrinks, shrinks, falls, trembles, shouts. Therefore, your influence should be through the body. It is pointless at this time to say: "Stop fear, let's tell you a fairy tale. " We interact with the body. You can sit next to your baby, hug firmly and say, "breathe together.

" This fear inspires a sense of danger, so it is important to get the safety of the body as much as possible: to breathe, to put a hand between the blades, to hug, to wrap, to press, to stroke, to stroke. This is suitable for any age. Repeating this constantly, we reprogram the response to traumatic experience. 6 Misses the home, some of the parents or the former life and we cry again and accept: "I see you, understand and share your experiences.

" It is important not to reassure, not distract, not deny, do not blame or be angry with such manifestations. We, adults, often also try to hide from the pain of the child, because our own stimulus is crowded. When the baby wounded his knees, we try to distract him: "Look, the bird has flew" - because it is not possible to withstand the pain that the baby feels. In this situation, you can cry together, breathe, maintaining your adult position without stuck in your own pain.

It is important to stay for the child with a support and a great person. Remember that it is like a wave that will roll and, if you stand, then retreat - and you will remain those who can cry and get relief. 7 constantly asks “Well when? When will everything end? When will we return? When will everything be like before? ” These questions are a great trial for you because they make your own powerlessness and helplessness. To say, "Yes, I don't know when.

" It is difficult to maintain this frustration of uncertainty even by adults. Therefore, we say that we do not know when, but we put the border: "But I know what we can do today. " Thus, we recognize uncertainty and determine the areas of certainty, which we can influence here and now. Elementary - go outside or stay at home, read a book or watch a movie, visit or cook a dinner together.

Faced with the frustration and uncertainty of the outside world, you look at your inner world of relationships and decide what you can influence. The most important and most difficult for parents in the current circumstances is not to be afraid of any childhood manifestations and experiences. You will be helped by the fact that the psyche is labile and adaptive, the main thing is not to interfere with it.