Forced relationships at a distance. How to keep marriage during the war - the advice of a psychologist

Why is this happening and what should be done to keep relationships in new realities? Video Day Psychologist, CEO of the European School of Psychology to preserve yourself the first and main principle of maintaining relationships is to preserve and restore yourself. Here with an oxygen mask on the plane - first a mask for yourself and then the child. So in relationships - first protection for yourself and then relationships.

If the sequence is different, then it may turn out that the relationship will no longer be anyone and for anyone. First you need to "cure" yourself, and only then you should interact with your partner. You should be a help and resource for your partner, not the one who is spending his partner. It is also detrimental to the relationship that your partner will take your pain, your depression, your despair - and it will be easier for you.

This is called an attempt to be treated through a partner, but everything works completely differently. Often a person thinks: now I'm bad, I will pay my partner, and it will become easier for me. But this is a psychological trap - so our psyche is protected. Of course, sometimes you just need to listen to you. However, for a full establishment of relationships, each of the partners must first restore themselves. It is that both partners then become a resource to restore each other.

And it is a formula of happy relationships both at a distance and nearby. Share your life with the second point - mirror. This is when you allow your partner to be constantly treated through you, acting as a rescuer. And here it is very important to find the thin face where you act as a resource and where it is a rescuer.

If you can find this face and give yourself an accurate answer - how it happens in your relationship, it will be easier for you to further understand which way is best for your couple. After all, all relationships are unique and not similar to others. The third point is the simplest and most important thing is to continue to share your life. He seems to be completely unpretentious and primitive. But everything is not so easy.

It is important to share not only what is happening in everyday life now, but also what you feel, what you are worried about. It is difficult for all that it is important to you, it is difficult, unclear, traumatic.

If you now have a dissonance with the first two points to share your feelings - it is to be treated through a partner and to use his resource, then you should think about where you personally pass for your couple and the line between "sharing feelings" and "treated through another person". Talking about the future fourth point is to talk to your partner about the future. To make plans, to draw pictures from your common future life, which are both meaningful to you.

Which will be for you the thread that combines your future. This is an extremely important story. Therefore, it takes a lot of time - to speak, plan, represent, argue and just dream. But be sure to. It is very important that all these plans and dreams are based on your mutual desire - that you want to imagine what your future should look like.

There is a lot of topics here: where you would like to live, what would you like to do, how you would like to spend your time, where you will first go on a trip. But not only from the standpoint of your current opportunities, but on the basis of what you would like. And gradually these pictures inside - these clear and vivid images of the future - you will be kept in the right direction in order to normalize your relationship in a difficult period and once become a new reality.

This is how our psyche works. And that is how we can help her in difficult times. "Not all will survive" another important point - a traditional spoon of tar. It should be understood that some of the couples will still disperse. And this will be a significant percentage. But there is no tragedy. And it should be understood that the cause of these divorces will not be war or distance - they will only act as a catalyst, some manifestation of what was already in your relationship.

And here it is important to understand a simple, but important thing - one thing ends, and the other necessarily begins. Life is arranged so that everyone chooses a partner according to the point of his development where he is now. So now is the moment in your life that needs new relationships or perhaps even temporary loneliness. It is important to understand and be aware of the main and repeatedly proven fact that a relationship break is far from the end of the world.